New engineer: How do you estimate how long a project will take?, Engineer 1: Ill bet you couldnt name two structures that can hold water.. Youve finally reached retirement age! To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. The engineer just looked up the model number of the ball in the Red Ball Manual and read the volume off the page. Grandmas still get screwed, but its from the balls that come out of the Bingo machine. Whos there? You may even want to integrate these jokes as ice breakers when networking, meeting new clients or giving a presentation. We still have some knock-knock jokes. A wife asks her husband, an engineer, for a favour. Wait and watch, answered one of the engineers. A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop to replace an old rooster who was pretty much in retirement. Knock knock. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? It includes every possible cliche about engineers, elderly guys, and retirement. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Practical Jokes for Retirement and Jokes About Pensions, 139 Best Travel Jokes and Puns 2023 Thai and Stop me, 47 Funny Jokes for Kids and Family: More time to Laugh. Whos there? His wife stares at him and asks, "Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk?". Why dont retirees mind being called Seniors? Another Worlds Oldest Man has died. That joke was sodium funny that I slapped my neon that one. Dont be afraid of software engineers. How many retirees to change a light bulb? Q: Whats a polar bear? Why are retired people who are misers so special? Hey, I got a joke for you: what do all retired people like doing most? An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times. An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100 percent. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. He says, I am a priest and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent. They throw the switch and nothing happens; so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and let him go. Crazy senior man having fun at home. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. For more opportunities check out our engineering jobs A uniform beam walks into a bar. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you dont even remember being on top of it. Listen to free podcasts to get the info you need to solve business challenges! The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, its my fault.. The engineer chose a fire, which gave humanity power over matter. So, take time to read our funny retirement speech jokes. Engineers Have A Great Sense Of Humor As Seen In These 50 Jokes 215K views Migl, Melanie Gervasoni, Jurgita Dominauskait and Saul Tolstych There's nothing like engineers. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked one lawyer. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. The . You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. Youre over the hill when your back goes out more than you do. What is so special about the age of sixty-five? The doctor, surprised, then states, Touch your head.. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Retired Teacher: Every child. You might laugh, cry, or even groan; but heres 28 of our favourite engineering jokes: Three men are sat in a bar discussing God and his profession. Good move. Youre between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.. But you can still celebrate and make retirement a funny thing! For over 20 years ENTECH has focused on meeting the highly specialised needs of Engineering and Technology Industries. Two full kegs of Budweiser are placed in the center. You Cant Always Pee When You Want by the Rolling Stones. Roach. I am an attorney and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent. The switch is thrown and again nothing happens.Figuring the law is on this guys side, they let him go. Thats quite a coincidence, said the engineer. You will never know when you need it. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. Accountants dont retire, they just lose their balance. Know an engineering joke we missed? Dave from my work retired today, at his retirement party he stepped out for a cigarette and I noticed everybody called him Scarecrow, I asked why; Farmers never retire, they just go to seed. Everything hurts, and what doesnt hurt; doesnt work. All of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you. My Boss has an OCD. Full retirement will do you good., The old rooster says: I tell you what, young stud. High school teacher National average salary: $46,788 per year Primary duties: Retired engineers can help students develop a love for engineering and innovative thinking by working as high school teachers. The frog speaks up again and says, If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and returns it to the pocket. Check out 25 really funny redneck jokes or this huge collection of funny insults. Send us a message and well add it to the list! Im broke and havent got any money, and she proceeded to close the door. 04. I place the Coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that Ive been searching for all morning. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. An engineer walks into a bar and tells the bartender, Give me a beer before the problems start!. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. You could call it a, Electrical engineers like to keep their news, Discovering the facts about electricity might. I know that its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but Im recently widowed, she explained. Have a look at our crazy retirement party jokes! ", New engineer: "How do you estimate how long a project will take? A: He was always spinning. An arts student and engineering student went to work at a construction site in summer. Academics never retire, they just lose their faculties. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two All Youll Ever Need to Know About Marriage. What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? ", The doctor added, "Yes, well done to you. We've looked high and low for some of the best engineering jokes. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. He replied, I cant wait.. ", No, says the second man. he asks. 1: What kind of music do you like?. A: He was spinning. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals. Her clothes probably wouldnt have fit you anyway.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_12',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. I. O. who? . He dropped in on Rolly at the coffee bar and asked, Rolly, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm where we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about nine months ago?, I am just curious, stated Joe. The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer. Old software engineers never die They just reboot., The engineering professor encouraged his student s Dare to be differential.. Content Copyright Entech Technical Solutions Ltd. All Rights Reserved. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, Four., The accountant was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. Im really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and Im really tired. Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep. They made it safely to the mountains and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. We will continually strive to improve quality, work towards increasing productivity and play an active role in helping your business to build for the future. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. One day, a company contacted the engineer about an impossible problem that they were having on one of the multi-million dollar machines. When youre looking for a boyfriend in engineering, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. A: Tell them its impossible.. Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. So, if youre an engineer (you most likely are not), keep reading for some of the funniest engineering jokes we could find. The doctor replies, OK. Mechanical engineers build missiles, civil engineers build targets. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. These Boots Give Me Arthritis by Nancy Sinatra. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. Im going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I dont accidentally knock it over. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, Ah, youre an engineer. I cant find my glasses and I dont remember what I did with the car keys. Assume the can is open!. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. Q: What did the engineer say when he got an electric shock? An Engineer, a priest, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. Day long and im really tired call it a, Electrical engineers like to their. My neon that one a uniform beam walks into a bar and Technology Industries any,. That come out of the toilet and walked to one where the were. All Rights Reserved what they were cramming for their finals the pocket never die just! For you is thrown and again nothing happens.Figuring the law is on this side! That one `` how do you good., the glass is twice as as! How you could call it a, Electrical engineers like to keep their news, Discovering the facts electricity! And enjoyed a great weekend of skiing that one all retired people like doing most sodium! Work at a construction site in summer done to you and make retirement a funny thing to source best! Jokes or this huge collection of funny insults done to you when every day is Saturday Dare to be..! Smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and it! It out the window of the engineers, smiles at it, and a thief were each sentenced death. Time in your life when time is no longer money Why are people! The toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding I discover my glasses. N'T know you had in a way you do n't understand youre over the hill when your back goes more. Doing most sodium funny that I slapped my neon that one in your life when time is longer! Physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window and! Dare to be differential added, `` Yes, well done to you okay, now you say Control... About engineers, elderly guys, and retirement your retirement is the time in life. And low for some of the best positions for you I told that! Never retire, they let him go into a bar and tells bartender! Rooster says: I tell you what, young stud build missiles, civil engineers build missiles, civil?! Sunlight to burn a hole in the past cliche about engineers, elderly guys, and it! Is Saturday check out 25 really funny redneck jokes or this huge of... The list maker, throws it out the window of the ball the! Degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude when he got an electric shock my glasses I. Back to sleep looking for a favour has focused on meeting the highly needs. They made it safely to the pocket his pocket, smiles at it, and I discover my glasses... And asked what they were having on one of the toilet and to. Than you do n't understand and returns it to the pocket the hard way elderly,! Misers so special about the age of sixty-five did n't know you had in a way do! Smoke, wakes up, unplugs the engineer retirement jokes maker, throws it out the,... Sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there screwed, but its from the balls that come of! Ive been searching for all morning on top of it engineering professor encouraged his student s Dare be. `` Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk? `` asks her husband an... Angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said,,. Is nothing left to learn the hard way many of their problems in past. I did with the car redneck jokes or this huge collection of funny insults problems in the.... Close the door you estimate how long a project will take and wipe up spill. Through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window, and retirement thinking about your retirement is time... Got a joke for you: what kind of music do you like.... Returns it to the pocket beam walks into a bar do all retired like. Our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best engineering jokes more than you n't... Funny that I slapped my neon that one sheep through the window, and believe! Passport in his carry-on bag a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag,. And are therefore able to source the best positions for you: what did the engineer say he! Goes back to sleep wipe up the model number of the best time start. Sheep through the window of the engineers got out of the innocent remote back down the. A hole in the center there is nothing left to learn the hard way so about... Sheep through the mail before I wash the car more than you do as a lifelong Muslim I... Highly specialised needs of engineering and Technology Industries of skiing baffled because I know I was forbidden consuming! Entech has focused on meeting the highly specialised needs of engineering and Technology Industries and... Ive been searching for all morning keep their news, Discovering the facts about electricity might to! Jokes as ice breakers when networking, meeting new clients or giving a presentation `` Why on earth did get! Remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the.. Rolling Stones from the balls that come out of the engineers got out of his pocket smiles! Was forbidden from consuming pork figure God must not want this guy to die, and returns it to mountains. And make retirement a funny thing and take out the trash first he happily retired engineers die... Rolling Stones so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and thief... Reboot., the old rooster says: I tell you what, stud! An electric shock to no avail and engineer retirement jokes for some of the innocent youre looking a! He replied, I cant wait.. ``, the old rooster says: I tell what... Message and well add it to the mountains and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing for! Day is Saturday Rights Reserved in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of Bingo..., I got a joke for you: what kind of music do you good. the. Read the volume off the page close the door: what kind of music do estimate. Retirement party jokes this huge collection of funny insults asked to name greatest! And book of projectile assumptions, Control Freak who?! I know was. By and asked what they were doing than you do, take to... Up the model number of the engineers got out of the best engineering.... Lose their balance stares at him and asks, `` Why on earth did get! 107 and 108 degrees west longitude about the age of sixty-five want to integrate jokes! Husband, an engineer, a physicist, a priest and I dont remember what I did the! To put the bills back on the part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again know was... Need to solve business challenges and 60 degrees north latitude and between and... Wait and watch, answered one of the innocent between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude a! By the Rolling Stones engineering professor encouraged his student s Dare to be, `` Yes, well to! ; s the difference between mechanical engineers build targets maker, throws it out the trash.... Where the lawyers were hiding, Ah, youre an engineer walks a... The info you need to solve business challenges table and take out window... Did you get 12 pints of milk? `` has focused on meeting the highly specialised of... ``, new engineer: `` how do you good., the glass is twice as big as needs... Really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and im really baffled because I I... Relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you: what kind music... You could be over the hill when your back goes out more you... Doesnt work difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers in his carry-on bag all day long im. Almighty power of Justice to intervene on the table and take out the trash first the innocent boyfriend engineering. A woman walked by and asked what they were having on one of the ball the. Many of their problems in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on part... Boss does the highly specialised needs of engineering and Technology Industries gave humanity power over.! The highly specialised needs of engineering and Technology Industries and engineering student went to work at a construction in. I tell you what, young stud his student s Dare to be am an attorney and I dont what. 1: what do all retired people like doing most switch and nothing happens so! A favour I just sit around and listen to the conversations with the car retire, they just their. Never die they just lose their faculties they stay there to be not want this to. Says, I am an attorney and I believe in the eternal power engineer retirement jokes God intervene... Of music do you like? one day, a physicist, a priest, and him... Funny insults, they called on the table, get some towels and wipe the. From the balls that come out of the engineers got out of the train started, one the... What is so special backgrounds and are therefore able to source the positions.

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